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Feb. 6th, 2005 @ 06:51 pm
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so there's been a change of names. email me or IM me if you want to know what it is. lata! |
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Feb. 6th, 2005 @ 02:19 pm
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i wish i could sing out at the top of my lungs
i wish i could blister my fingers playing the guitar
i wish i could wiggle my fingers on the piano keys
i wish i could pluck the strings of the bass to the rhthym of my heart for...
i wish i could play the flute to describe the flighty beat of my heart
i can i can, if i can then why am i not?
i wish i could decide on what to do.
i wish i could decide between art, music, dance, theatre
i wish i could do all of them
i know that if i forgot about loving someone else, these would all be my passion
umm...i'll have to finish this later, i'm being distracted |
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when
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Feb. 5th, 2005 @ 04:50 pm
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when do you stop lying to yourself
when do you stop telling yourself that it's ok to lie
as long as it's to yourself
when do you stop lying to yourself
when do you realize you're living a lie
because you didn't want to live with the truth
where do you draw the line between truth and lie
if you only know lies
and can't decide
when do you say "fuck it"
i'm not lying i'm just not sure
I'm so hungry I'm getting sick. I have two cans of tuna fish in my drawer, but that doesn't sound appetizing. I also have some pasta stuff but no pan to cook it in. I don't have any money. I've got a credit card that is tumbling over into debt. I'm starving! Chocolate or sweets won't do the trick it'll just make me sick. BRB.
I ate...woo thank god for microwaveable food. |
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Feb. 5th, 2005 @ 12:48 pm
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i've been in this weird mood for a day now. it's confusing as hell. i want to say it's indifferent but iuno. i just feel blah. like, i want to get out and do something, but i also want to sleep. i still haven't gotten my license, and i realized that i only have 96 dollars in my banks account. so i need to get my license quick and start making some money. i think i'll make my first day next tuesday since it's a relaxed night, wouldn't want to go tonight or sunday night. i'd really like to party tonight or do something, it just seems like i have no friends that are doing anything. i know there was a b-day party i skipped out on last night, first there wasn't going to be any alcohol, which isn't why i didn't go. i heard they were going to a hip hop club, now, i'm not a big fan of hip hop clubs cuz i get real self-concious. i like techno and trance because everyone is doing their own thing and not worried about the other person. everyone is there to have fun, i feel like i have to impress people at other clubs and i feel like i have a low impression rate.
i know who i would like to hang out with, but i don't want to ask, because well, if you know me then you know why. and no it's not a specific person, it's a group somewhat. some people are such bitches and it's annoying to know that no matter where you go, there's always gonna be a bitch. why don't all the bitches just die. well, if they did, then i'd find something else to bitch about and the world wouldn't be as interesting if they're aren't around. i should just be a nerd today until 9PM. I think i will actually do it. Every now and then take breaks to read my book, or something. I've got micro I must read for, I can print out notes for micro and jazz in america, a principles of dramatic analysis email i can start writing, read for intro to tech, and journal for movment. there. there's a list of things i can/need to do. i checked the oil in my car and finally put some in, i think i might just add water to my coolant tank, and hopefully that will solve the problem for a while. i need to get some brake fluid as well, it's pretty low, that might be why my tires are smelling. ok. and yes, i'm going to go take out 40 dollars from my bank account. 22 of it i'm going to use to get my license. the rest, i will go and buy ramen noodle soup and juice. hopefully it will last me until tuesday. i make and early drop in to work and go sunday. so alright there's my plan for the day. time to go get a shower.
P.S. - Yannick form SoBe emailed me back today and was like if you stop in France this summer you have to stop by and see my in the South of France. He lives in Fucking Toulouse! Toulouse LeTrec. Look in the Encyclopedia and you will find the guy I'm named after like right under him. Anyway, so I think this is what I'm going to do. I will plan a trip for three weeks. I will travel from somewhere, haven't figured out where, to either the South of France or Italy. Whew this sounds so fun! Alright off to take a shower. If you can read my previous entry, please do and leave a suggestion. Thanks.Current Mood:  indifferent Current Music: Colin Hay - I just don't think I'll ever get over you |
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i'm thinking about changing my journal name or something cuz, iuno i need a change but i don't know what to change it to. haha i was reading two peoples journals that i haven't talked to in forever, for whatever reason, i don't even remember now, i just know, that at the time we were having a lot of issues with each other and then all decided, well it was kind of one because of the other decided that we wouldn't be friends. some part of me wants to talk to them again just to see how they are and what not, but iuno. but i was reading on persons journal and i thought i was funny that they are going where i want to go this summer and pretty right around the same time as me. and another person, i've started writing in my journal like them, and well i'll leave it at that so no drama starts if by some chance someone reads this and then tells them. it's not bad what you're writing, it's your journal, agreed? i just see there is a coincidence in some of our topics.
i'm gonna finish the rest of this entry in another entry cuz i dont' know how to make LJ cuts friends only. sorry.Current Mood:  curious Current Music: Bjork - Nature is Ancient |
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***He wanted to take me to a secluded area in the bushes, and I refused. He pointed his gun and told me that he was going to shoot me. He made me follow him along a shady road and told me to take off my clothes. I refused again. He told me to lie down, and I did. On the ground I heard someone passing by; I turned my head and saw an old man. I realized his intention was to rape me rather than kill me, for he had placed his gun and knife on the ground and was getting on top on me. I jumped, believing the old man would help me escape. But when the old man saw that it was a military, he ran. I continued my struggle with him. As we were on the floor fighting he reached for his gun and shot me twice in the vagina. The fighting did not end there, because he rushed at me with a knife in his hand. I pushed him down. He fell on the floor and I ran. After two meters, I saw blood everywhere. I had lost so much blood that I could no longer run. ***
Wow I just had de-javu back to Senior year with Chelsea...meh
Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 07:28 pm
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i am lusting instead of loving. i need to remember there is a difference. lust fades love doesn't. yes i'm lusting after a few people right now, but i'm afraid to actually interact with them because i might make lust love and it's not that way at all, and it wouldn't be safe to do that. there's nothing wrong with lust as long as you know exactly what it is.
oh haha i read some of Kk's "Maybe he's just not that into you" <--- Greg is the shit! He knows what he's talking about. Great book. something i learned, if you're not willing to call me, then maybe you're just not that interested in me and i should just let you go. <---it's a very empowering book for women but it can also help those shy guys out there like me. so i suggest reading it to all, but it's also just plain funny with some of the shit he says to women. "Dear Tewenty-five pounds, Maybe instead of the 25 pounds you want you lose, Maybe you should lose 175!! - that being the man who slept with someone else and said that you gained some weight." I couldn't get past the 175 plds i was cracking up so hard, and then when i read the next part, i was like wow.
CAT LADY is in the BUILDING! This woman wears plastic cat ears on her head around campus! MEOW i say ME-FUCKING-OW! <--- wait no, it's not her, but it could be her twin!!!
Did I say I got a job?!!! Did I? If I didn't, I GOT A JOB!!! I start tonight, just a tad bit nervous so wish me luck!
Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 01:52 pm
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i can understand why they would be upset. i didn't listen to them at all while drunk. i do have a drinking problem and just possibly they aren't concerned for my safety. i won't pose a but to this, not yet anyway. i will actually try and just view it from their stand point. maybe they figure they've been through enough of my drinking brigades and it's time for them to stop. to stop trying to help me. maybe they figured they've done all they can and so now, we don't want anything to do with him.
ok i've said somethings already that i have to rebuttle. first off, they never tried to help me stop drinking. we had parties all the time, and went as a group. they never suggested you should stop drinking, it was just joked about that we all drink too much; secretly we admitted to ourselves that it was true. no i don't like this awkwardness of just droppiong a friend but they aren't trying to rekindle anything, and i'm not up for explanations. i have a lot of issues with this person as of now because i've taken the ntime to sit back and remind myself of exactly the type of relationship we had. i was the listener and consoler, and she was the talker, but when i talked she didn't listen, or so it didn't seem. i think the best way to just leave this alone would be to stop thinking about it and just live.
another friend told me today that they can't be around me when i drink; only if i decide to stay. i can' tsay that, because you never know what happens at a party, and if something i dont' like happens i'm not gonna want to stay, and there's no way, once i start drinking that you can convince me to stay, unless i trust you. trust is a big issue with me and especially when i'm drunk. if i don't trust you or your judgement then i won't listen to you, simple as that.
*nimitz katz, i just thought of brian the hawaiin that played trombone, ask me more later*
Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 01:42 pm
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( for _mattykins )
end of long ass survey! damn!
Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 02:33 am
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i don't like how when there's something you don't want, it comes around. and what you what doesn't. i don't want random hook-ups and they are sooooo, and i mean sooo hard to turn down. but i've been doing it. ahhh. i think i might go mad. hehe.
Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 01:54 am
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dreaminfilmstar's journal